Moments of Being

Disclaimer:  for those of you who know neither me nor Gregoria Smegz G. in person, this post will be full of incomprehensible language, imbecilic child-jokes, pots & pans banging, &co&co.  You may as well just sit this one out.  But I won’t Rupaulogize for anything.

Today is the ultimate bittersweetworld; the tru ProSmegz, AntiMimoo.  (Also antiWhiteWorld.)  My littUHL TINY saaaaaad Smegz is flying to OHworld (also known as Chinaworld) to teach Urnglish to millions of queens of Saigon.  Because I actually H8 Smegz, this don’t bovver moo, but there are many many many many (and long…long…long…LONG…long…………long time ago) weuds that I won’t be able to say over and over and over again with anyone else until we White Goddesses meet again.  Among these Nobel-Award-winning turns-of-phrase:

We need to talk about two things: (1) Kevin; (2) That movie We Need to Talk About Kevin; (3) Willam; (4) That movie We Need to Talk About Willam as a Thing.  (That’sh four!)

Fort Hunty!  Tooth Huwty!  What’s a dentist’s favorite clock time???  Onet-unty!

Body rolling slutty babiez wearing armadillo bug hurls, stomping in droves towards us!

Courtney or hater?  Pimpin me out!  I’m uh WHOOOOORRRRE.  (& lest we forget, put that hoodie on and have that emotional breakdown ms gworl!  Don’t put on me gurrrrl, don’t put it on me no DON’T.)

Hey hunties!  Let’sh loshe him.  Gurl, you in full clown.  My worst nightmare:  getting arrested in full body, full paint.  And full hurl, full nurl, full hurl nurl, full squirrel, full snurl.  It happened to Llama Del Rey, after all.

(text) Ploose.  (facebook) Ploose.  (grindR)  Ploose.

Saysh it feelsh like…heaven…TO ‘IM!  LLA-MUH…del reeeeeeeey.

Oeeo-oh-heoeoeowow—oeheoe (*pinches forefinger and thumb together; rolls shoulders; slowly lowers self to ground*)

The Preggy!  …aaaaaand the Spred-Up-Pregs!  I don’t like you like that.

Us!

MAHL-muh.  The June.  The Mimoo.  The Alana.  The Smegz.  The Vintage MimooSmegz.  Dun-dun-dun-duh-duh-duh WAH ah WAH ah.  The ultimate proantius.  

tinyworld.  mirrorworld.  stairsworld.  mirrorstairsworld.  Her.  Not her.  Hernother!  (But should I be Her?)  Macro and microworldz.  AHLT.  And the origin praty This is AHLT.  Also Cum to Praty!  Little slice uh heaven!  Apples and bananas.  Mratin & Natoosha h8 us!  REMIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.  My pizza’s heuh! My pizza’s heuh!  BUMP I don’t like that bitch BAM I don’t see her.  *shablam*

Don’t come for me bitch.  Do NOT come for me booboo.  Was that a read?  Take your hat off, bitch. You balding bitch.  Take your hat off.  (The ultimate antiebonics?)  It is TOO EARLY in this muthafuckin trip for you to come for me.  Or attend for me.  You’re alright kid!  Did she just shablam hand you?  Consider yourself served.  CLOQD.  

She’s shy!  A witch!  (*very proper*) In the pagan-witch community…

Change change change change change change.  We did it!

—-

I’m forgetting so many.  I’ma miss you little sad!  You make me feel laugh-y and play-y…and like I wanna pull my mommy’s haiuw!  Even if this is the ultimate Anti-Mimoo, I’m so excited for and proud of you!  I’ll hold the fort(hunty) down in AmericaWorld and keep my chin high (because I don’t wanna look like a goitersad). And you betta muthafuckin WRQ that uh-hahahahahaha OHHHHHHhhhhOOOHHHhhh world.  I love you little tiny sad WEUD!!!

Vintage Me.

Vintage Me.

Oops!  I didn’t mean to forget your birthday gurl!  

Oops!  I didn’t mean to forget your birthday gurl!  

Like Alex, I’m reblogging this for future use.  Can’t wait to have the time & money to bake again!

alexanderly:

kyerabianca:

All these colors were achieved with red, yellow, blue, and green food coloring mixed into white frosting. The amount of drops needed for the color you want is underneath the icing color. So convenient. :)

I love Mint Chip = 3 blue, 3 green

Click to enlarge!

(via annaandblue)

Reblogging this for future reference, I guess ….

“…juuust as I suspected.” “…change.  Change.  Change.”  *turns off TV screen* “Are you…making fun of me?” “Are you now, or have you ever been, a biological woman?” “Bring back………………………………………………MY girls.” My GOD, this picture is so perfect for inserting RuPaul-isms!

“…juuust as I suspected.”

“…change.  Change.  Change.”  *turns off TV screen*

“Are you…making fun of me?”

“Are you now, or have you ever been, a biological woman?”

“Bring back………………………………………………MY girls.”

My GOD, this picture is so perfect for inserting RuPaul-isms!

(Source: chromeodiary, via grgryglzr)

I won’t pretend to be some dietary genius, some unruffle-able cheftrix, some Julia Child, some Barefoot Contessa, some…well, maybe I could be the Paula Deen of my generation.  Or a Paula Deen of a generation.   But guess what, bitches?  Imma share my own green smoothie recipe with ya’ll!  Green smoothies are, like, ALL THE RAGE right now in health food and faux-foodie circles.  Women with purse-dogs & soccer moms & buy-sell-financiers alike praise to high heaven the wonderfully body-positive qualities of the “green smoothie.”  What is a green smoothie, you ask?  I have no fucking clue.  It’s like some vegetables and fruit and other shit thrown into a blender.  But hey, raw veggies/fruit are always good for you, so I’ve started alternating my breakfasts between steel-cut oats + grapefruit and green smoothie + coffee.   Oh, & I cited grgryglzr on both of these breakfast food fronts.  Arigato smegz-sensei!  ^_^   Anyway, all you really need for a refreshing ‘green’ smoothie is some goddamn food (preferably fresh!) and a lil’ blender.  I actually use the Magic Bullet (TM), but that thing’s all busted and crusted from use and abuse, so I’ll probably need to replace it soon.  I think I made my best recipe today, so here’s what you want: 1/2 banana, sliced1/2 orange, chopped2-3 strawberries, sliced (you can keep the leaves, too—or I did, & am not dead)1/2 red beet, chopped a healthy dash of kale, torn into small pieces—I’d say 1-2 big leaves of it2TB flaxseed2TB wheat germdollop of Greek yogurtdollop Peanut Butter (mine is local! and organic!  but any PB will do!)For the liquid, I do half-soy milk, half-OJ or grapefruit juice.  You estimate here, but just make sure to cover the solid food in your blender/magic bullet device.  (Or, in terms I use more frequently:  cover the rocks!)  Now, blend until there aren’t a ton of chunky bits in there, because those might choke you, particularly if you’re a baby making this recipe.  Enjoy!  Also, add/substitute at your leisure & for your pleasure!  Generally speaking, the staples for me are the banana, the strawberries (naturally sweetens the smoothie, and masks the somewhat more earthy taste of whatever greens/beets/carrots you throw in), and the kale.  The orange can easily be replaced with an apple or pear or whatever, and the beet is actually an addition I just made today, so we’ll see how that goes over when I have to use the Ladies.  (Wink wink!)  The PB & yogurt are mostly for taste, though also add a bit extra protein and more digestive magic.

I won’t pretend to be some dietary genius, some unruffle-able cheftrix, some Julia Child, some Barefoot Contessa, some…well, maybe I could be the Paula Deen of my generation.  Or a Paula Deen of a generation.  

But guess what, bitches?  Imma share my own green smoothie recipe with ya’ll!  Green smoothies are, like, ALL THE RAGE right now in health food and faux-foodie circles.  Women with purse-dogs & soccer moms & buy-sell-financiers alike praise to high heaven the wonderfully body-positive qualities of the “green smoothie.”  What is a green smoothie, you ask?  I have no fucking clue.  It’s like some vegetables and fruit and other shit thrown into a blender.  But hey, raw veggies/fruit are always good for you, so I’ve started alternating my breakfasts between steel-cut oats + grapefruit and green smoothie + coffee.  

Oh, & I cited grgryglzr on both of these breakfast food fronts.  Arigato smegz-sensei!  ^_^  

Anyway, all you really need for a refreshing ‘green’ smoothie is some goddamn food (preferably fresh!) and a lil’ blender.  I actually use the Magic Bullet (TM), but that thing’s all busted and crusted from use and abuse, so I’ll probably need to replace it soon.  I think I made my best recipe today, so here’s what you want:

1/2 banana, sliced
1/2 orange, chopped
2-3 strawberries, sliced (you can keep the leaves, too—or I did, & am not dead)
1/2 red beet, chopped 
a healthy dash of kale, torn into small pieces—I’d say 1-2 big leaves of it
2TB flaxseed
2TB wheat germ
dollop of Greek yogurt
dollop Peanut Butter (mine is local! and organic!  but any PB will do!)

For the liquid, I do half-soy milk, half-OJ or grapefruit juice.  You estimate here, but just make sure to cover the solid food in your blender/magic bullet device.  (Or, in terms I use more frequently:  cover the rocks!)  

Now, blend until there aren’t a ton of chunky bits in there, because those might choke you, particularly if you’re a baby making this recipe.  Enjoy!  Also, add/substitute at your leisure & for your pleasure!  Generally speaking, the staples for me are the banana, the strawberries (naturally sweetens the smoothie, and masks the somewhat more earthy taste of whatever greens/beets/carrots you throw in), and the kale.  The orange can easily be replaced with an apple or pear or whatever, and the beet is actually an addition I just made today, so we’ll see how that goes over when I have to use the Ladies.  (Wink wink!)  The PB & yogurt are mostly for taste, though also add a bit extra protein and more digestive magic.

Chrissakes!  I didn’t realize I’d never actually pub’d my looking-forward-to-in-2012 list!  Well, bright side is, it’s grown exponentially since January, when I usually compile this sort of thing.  Of the albums released thus far, the ** indicates ones I’ve actually had on repeat a ton—that said, though, only MDNA was a real dud (it fucking sucks!  don’t even bother wasting two hours of your life for a run-through; they’re 2 precious hours you may never get back, & who knows, you could keel over right after you hear the career-worst-worthy last track & go to meet your maker with that tarnishing your eternal soul!).  

Some of them are just mood-based albums, like the Perfume Genius one or Chromatics.  Haven’t spun Nicki’s new one enough to really have a verdict on it, but I’m gonna venture to say it’s half incredible, half dreadful.  

But the next two months should be an absolutely incredible whirlwind of new releases.  In the first nearly four months of 2012, only 8 albums were released that interested me (or knew of, I guess)—in the next 2 months, there will be 15!  Among them some of my most anticipated in some time (new Santigold!  new Scissor Sisters!  a proper album from iamamiwhoami!  Beach House never lets me down!).  Hopefully you’ll direct yourself to some of these & let me know what you think!

  • Jan 31 - Lana Del Rey, Born to Die**
  • Jan 31 - Grimes, Visions
  • Feb 10 - Soap&Skin, Narrow**
  • Feb 20 - Perfume Genius, Put Your Back N2 It
  • Feb 28 - Trust, TRST**
  • Mar 23 - Madonna, MDNA
  • Mar 26 - Chromatics, Kill for Love
  • Apr 03 - Nicki Minaj, Pink Friday:  Roman Reloaded

     
  • Apr 24 - Jack White, Blunderbuss
  • Apr 24 - Rufus Wainwright, Out of the Game
  • Apr 30 - Marina & the Diamonds, Electra Heart
  • May ?? - Charlie XCX, EP
  • May 01 - Santigold, Master of My Make Believe
  • May 15 - Beach House, Bloom
  • May 15 - Garbage, Not Your Kind of People
  • May 22 - Gossip, A Joyful Noise
  • May 28 - Scissor Sisters, Magic Hour
  • May 29 - Marissa Nadler, The Sister
  • June ?? - Missy Elliott
  • June 05 - Patti Smith, Banga
  • June 11 - iamamiwhoami, kin
  • June 12 - Metric, Synthetica
  • June 26 - Fiona Apple, The Idler Wheel


TBA

SUMMER:  Crystal Castles / MIA / the xx 
FALL:  Tori Amos  
??:  Azealia Banks, 1991 (EP), delayed / The Knife / Janelle Monae / Aimee Mann

Rumored

No Doubt / Cat Power / Bat For Lashes / Neko Case 

This whole shoot is pretty incredible; I suppose I’m just characteristically partial to the McQueen. fakingfashion: NYTMAGAZINE ALEXANDER MCQUEEN

This whole shoot is pretty incredible; I suppose I’m just characteristically partial to the McQueen.

fakingfashion:

NYTMAGAZINE ALEXANDER MCQUEEN